I started writing them down the morning of January 1. In the past, it was always to lose weight or get on some kind of crazy exercise program. I had so many detailed lists which, like many well-meaning resolutions, failed to produce any real change. I didn't want to do that this time, so I sat down with a word document and asked myself, "What do I really want?" As I started typing, I realized there was a theme to what I was putting on my list. One word in particular, actually.
That word kept coming up in each desire for 2015. And, of course, it reminded me of this:
|Credit to giphy.com|
I want more. There's a part of me that feels selfish saying that. Of course I don't mean more in terms of material things, although, hey, if someone wanted to add money to my salary, I would not say no. I want more for myself. Here's my list so far:
- More water- I need to drink more water. I have this horrible habit of NOT drinking any fluids whatsoever for hours on end. It's BAD and needs to stop. So I downloaded this app called Waterlogged. You basically log your drinks (I only put water in there) and keep track of what you're drinking. It seems basic and silly, but it has been reminding me to drink my water and challenging me to reach my goal of 80 oz per day. I know there are some people that say you should drink half of your body weight in ounces, but those people are clearly not in the same weight range as I am. I might float away...or spend my whole life peeing. I'll stick to 80 for now and see how it goes.
- More movement: Exercise. Of course. This is such a struggle for me in my recovery. God bless my team of ED recovery professionals, because it's been almost four years now and they are still (probably) banging their heads against the wall trying to get me to engage in some type of activity on a consistent basis. I could write a whole post on why this is so hard for me (oh wait, I wrote several, but basically it boils down to this: Exercise has always been about weight loss. Every time I start an exercise program I overdo it and burn myself out. Then I stop, and the cycle continues. It's not like I am sitting on my couch all day, eating bon bons (but if you are, that sounds AWESOME and I am not judging). I have a busy job and a bunch of teenagers to take care of who are constantly keeping me busy with their legal and sometimes not-so-legal activities. Anyway, more movement. I want to do more yoga (so I downloaded this app). I want to ride my bike more. I want to take more walks with my husband. I want to enjoy more of what my body can do and enable it to do even more.
- More spirituality: My beliefs have changed in the past couple of years, and it left me confused and unsure how to proceed. I was raised with a religious/spiritual upbringing and attended religious schools from age 2-17. We went to church and I participated in several sacraments. I explored most areas of Christianity. I think things shifted for me over the years, but when my father-in-law died, it just changed everything for me. What I really believed in (and didn't believe in) all crashed into each other at once. It wasn't until I went to the Oprah Tour that I realized that my spirituality is what I make of it, and that I do not have to subscribe to a specific set of beliefs. I want more of that in my life this year. More discovery. More learning. More grace. Continuing to seek my higher self, and the higher power I believe is out there and also within us.
- More organization- Like many married (and cohabiting) couples, we are working on house projects. Something about getting those rings on our fingers caused us to start wanting to organize our lives. We bought a file cabinet the other day, for goodness sake. My project this year is our bedroom: making it a comfortable and peaceful place to be. If I were a good blogger, I would have taken pictures of what our bed used to look like and what it's like now...but I'll work on that and show you guys the remodel when it's done!
- More time with the people who care about me, and less with those who don't- This one is my big one. It's the first thing that came to me when I thought about resolutions. I spend a lot of time on people who don't spend so much time on me, and I want that to change. I am committed this year and all the years that follow to spending my time and energy on the people who are just as invested in me as I am in them. If that means I end up with fewer people in my circle, I'm at peace with that. I just want to use the free time I have to build up positive and supportive relationships in my life.
So those are my main goals for this year! What are yours? I would love to hear what everyone else is working on.